I live in an apartment. I have housemates who, like me, are also from Davao or who understands Visayan. We all met here in Manila and I was happy that we were all gonna be sharing the same house. We became close, naturally, after being together under 1 roof for almost a year now. We girls share stuffs, eat together, go out or watch movies altogether. There are times when we have minor arguments. But in reality, when you live in a real "Big Brother House", these wonderful relationships, may eventually become sour once you discover your housemates true personalities , that certain closeness and openess for each other slowly disappears. Its like when a couple gets married, one will only discover the other's indifferences when the two live in the same house. This is the same predicament where I am in right now. I thought that my housemates and I were getting along fine. Errrr... Yun ang akala ko... It turned out that the other housemates have already been keeping their grudges against me for quite a while. All the while , I think, they have misinterpreted my jokes and my behaviour, causing them to be indignant about me. I have to admit that I might have offended some peoples feelings because of some of the things I said. I was completely floored when I found out from another housemate that they felt I have humiliated and insulted them, clueless how and when did this happened. I never thought that they would say na may " attitude problem " pala ako , unless ofcourse if I enjoy watching people quip when Im around. Who wants that? Okay, so maybe I didn't feel anything negative about my attitude, sometimes it takes other people to help you acknowledge your shortcomings. Mabait ako pero maldita ako pag naprovoke ako. But I believe my parents have raised me well to be ethical and to be sensitive for the feelings and opinions of others . But I'm not perfect and even if we are, we cant please other people. Not all people can always understand, not willing to accept you for who you naturally are. Even though you know for yourself that you are not doing anything wrong, but still, you cant ignore the ill feelings of other people for you and, in my case, it - really - bothers - me that all the while this is how they perceived me. I cried. For the 4th time, yes, this would be the 4th time I cried over what I would think an irreversible friendship. The first one had something to do with my best friend, there were actually two of them. So the 3rd one was about a classmate of mine in college whom I used to hang out with, thought the frienship would last, I hoped because she was really smart and cool, but I realized I couldnt accept her for who she is, other than her coolness, even if I tried to rekindle our old frienship. But Im contented that even if we bump into each other, we are civil. 
Now, I have to handle yet another friendship , what seems to be so nice has become pitiable, which I'm afraid will never be like as it used to be, because this has already been scarred with their irrational judgement against me, even saying "so kami pa ang mag-aadjust para sa kanya... I simply dont like her " , when I have not the idea kung alin...saan sila mag-aadjust. I would have admitted my faults had I known for my self that I did something, big deal, or some sort of a major - humiliating - disgusting... thingy. I resented them for having ill thoughts against me when I have not even thought of them that way, not once. But I am sincerely sorry if I have offended them in any way they thought I have. I dont wish to argue who's right or who's wrong, I dont want to give them the satisfaction, it will only make me guilty over something they're judging me. Im not saying that the hurt I caused or they caused was not important or that what happened between us was okay. "Its not a question of whether who needs to be forgiven and who needs to forgive." I want to free myself from resentment and grudges. Sure I may have made mistakes despite my best intentions, and my housemates and I have diffrences that needs to be resolved, its unavoidable. By the time that I need to move to a new and different "Big Bother House", I may still recall this experience, my actions and thoughts. I still thank God for the wonderful friendships I have made, and will ponder on the things that made those frienships die. Why would I let myself get trapped. Just move on and get it over with, that's how it should be. If you're experiencing the same way, I hope you handle it smoothly. I am proud of myself that I have been able to deal with it on my own and, I wont keep my hopes to high, I still want my housemates and I to become friends until we all go back to our "real homes."
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